Funny Asian Guy Naked With Bow Tie Tosh0

Subtitles section Play video

• - So this is a video to all the ladies .

• I'm looking for a girlfriend .

• I just wanted to tell you , I have a six inch penis

• it doesn 't really matter though

• because you ' re probably not high enough to get it up .

• I'm bipolar and schizophrenic

• and I live with my parents .

• My sole motivation in life to get a job is to smoke weed .

• If you date me and we lived together for quite some time ,

• By the time we ' re 30 or 50, or 40 or 50,

• my uncles should die off ,

• we should get like a million dollars .

• Anybody who thinks I'm hot , hit me out .

• - Hey , welcome to the bachelor mansion .

• What was the response from people after they saw that video ?

• - Some people were just like , Oh man , you rock , you know ?

• And other people were like , you need to get a job .

• - Did women reply to the video ?

• - Yeah , there is actually a, this amateur porn star .

• She 's like , ' Hey , you should come visit me .'

• - Ah , no , I actually had some money to do it

• and I kinda smoked a bunch of weed .

• - What would be your ideal woman ?

• She 's gotta have like black hair , straight black hair ,

• Pale skin , about a C cup .

• - How much does she weigh ?

• - Anywhere from like 110 to like 135 at the most .

• - I have known chicks that looked damn sexy at 135.

• - Is your penis six inches or is it five and three quarters ?

• - A little over six inches . - Over six inches ?

• - Give the girls a little quarter inch to take home with .

• - A little surprise , a little surprise .

• - That 's nice , that is nice of you .

• What was the disorder that you mentioned on there ?

• - Is it self diagnosed or are you really ?

• - I'm, I'm very diagnosed .

• - Oh yeah , yeah , yeah , okay .

• What would be your perfect date ?

• - Go to a movie , go to dinner ,

• and then sit around all night and get stoned

• I' ve set you up on a few dates ,

• but before that I want my team of Hollywood stylists

• to come in and give you a full makeover .

• Oh my Chris , we have our work cut out for us .

• - Well , we have four dates set up for ya ,

• I hope you can find your girlfriend .

• Let me introduce you to Meghan ,

• Isn 't she graceful ? Well I hope you have fun on your dates .

• I'm going to be there to chaperone all of them .

• Ah , what is your cup size ?

• - He was very inappropriate .

• - I didn 't hear a word she said ,

• I was freaking staring at her candle the whole time .

• - Did you guys do a background check on this guy ?

• - So how was your day to day ?

• - Oh , it was good , thank you .

• - Ask her how much money she makes .

• - How much money to you make ?

• - That 's not important , is it ?

• - I think she 's good to go .

• - When you ( beep ) how many ( beep ) do you use ?

• - I think I'm on the wrong show .

• - She is way into me and seemed kinda desperate .

• Are you a fan of anal sex ?

• - Would I go on a second date with Chris ?

• - Yeah , I'm definitely attracted to him .

• He totally has the look I like ,

• little fuzz here , tight , tight ponytail .

• - Good thing about her is she didn 't talk much .

• - Dude , I think I'm dying .

• You guys are meant for each other .

• - Okay Chris , you had four dates .

• Three of them were painfully awkward to be honest

• but the world wants to know ,

• have you found your new girlfriend ?

• - Can I eliminate myself ?

• - Ladies , something you might be interested to know

• - Or 40 or 50, my uncle should die off .

• We should get like a million dollars .

• - He will be receiving $1 million .

• - When a man has money , it definitely changes things .

• - I'm super attracted to him .

• - Black hair , straight black hair ,

• blue to gray eyes , pale skin .

• It had been like banging my ugly sister .

• This is where the decision became very tough .

• But I think I'm going to go

• with the one that I' ve seen mostly naked .

• - Oh , you guys are going to have such creepy kids .

• - In case you were wondering how they ' re doing .

• I don 't want to alarm anybody , but she is dead .

• There are currently no suspects

• but Chris is definitely a person of interest .

• - This is the Armani Kiss .

• - She uses his weiner as a tiny little tuning fork .

• That 's the warning sign and lets their kids know daddy 's

• about to bury his rainbow roll into mommy 's yellow tail .

• It 's how I greet my staff every morning .

• Lets them know I still care

• without crossing any lines .

• There 's no harmonic quife .

• Some people just don 't know how to behave in the workplace .

• - Joanna is just going to relax her lips .

• And she 's just going to receive my kiss .

• And she 's feeling all of my energy that we talked

• about in the touch exercise

• and the sensation of the softness of my lips against hers .

• - You can use your lips to kiss .

• You can use one lip to kiss .

• You can use your tongue to kiss

• and you can do all of this just on the outer lips .

• Before we even go inside .

• - One of the other things that you can do

• when you ' re kissing is using your breath

• and so there 's a blowing that can happen

• and you can actually even nibble too .

• - And that 's how it 's done .

• - Thank you guys for being here .

• How about a little sugar ?

• Okay . I need you guys to get off .

• My legs are falling asleep , okay ?

• - Date camp sorta like band camp for adults .

• - Just meaning , not married ?

• So people show up completely alone

• and you just pair them up with somebody ?

• - They get to pair themselves .

• - How do you make the move to make the first kiss ?

• Because there 's nothing more embarrassing

• than going in and the other person does not want to receive .

• - So if I move towards her a little bit , is she moving back ?

• Or is she coming to meet me a little bit ?

• - But if she 's going back ,

• maybe she wants you to lie on top of her ?

• - Not likely for a first kiss .

• - Okay . - If I want you to come in ,

• I'm at a minimum going to stay right where I'm at .

• - So basically if you don 't run away , I'm-

• - If I move back even a fraction ,

• and this is the first kiss , stop .

• - It 's tough to be a man , isn 't it ?

• There 's so much pressure .

• All you have to do is not move back .

• - Well we could do the same thing .

• Let 's say she wants to kiss me .

• - Although I'm never gonna make the first kiss -

• - So she moves in a little .

• - Oh , that 's, that 's a mistake .

• It 's very , very empowering to be a whore .

• Is there such thing as too much tongue ?

• - I enjoy tongue , and it can be too much .

• It 's not about shoving it in .

• Now in your original video ,

• you guys kept your eyes open every time you were making out .

• Now , to me , that is just creepy .

• - This is where it goes from just sex

• to like your whole body experience .

• - Ah , do you guys work with gay couples ?

• - I work with gay and lesbian couples

• and it 's not my personal experience , so it 's not as easy .

• I haven 't actually walked the path .

• you should walk that path for a little bit ?

• Huh ? Wouldn 't it be fun to watch her walk that path ?

• Oh man , that would be nice .

• Do you do that tantric sex stuff ?

• - Does that get boring after a while ?

• - Don 't you have things to do during the day ?

• - Oh , there 's plenty of time for good sex .

• - What 's the least amount of sex

• a healthy relationship can have ?

• - I would say a couple of times a week .

• - I think once , I think once a week is fine . No ?

• - Oh , probably once every three weeks .

• - I jog six times a week .

• - Okay , well there in lies the problem .

• - But you ' re not having sex for exercise .

• - To me it 's still , it 's still the same chore .

• I just want to get to it .

• - So your not a guy that likes to make women happy ?

• - I like to make them happy one time , and as quick as I can .

• a good orgasm or a bad orgasm feel about the same .

• So to me it 's like , let 's just get this over with .

• - It 's not all about the sex and the intimacy

• but it 's all about the sex and the intimacy .

• Is all about the intimacy and the sex that we share .

• - I don 't understand that at all .

• But you did say it three times .

• - Golden showers , is that something you guys

• ever talk about in your classes ?

• Do you guys feel the energy right now ?

• - Actually , you and I got a good energy going .

• - I don 't, I don 't disagree with that .

• - I don 't deny that either .

• Right you guys were wonderful

• but I think it 's time for you to try my kiss bootcamp .

• - Really ? - It 's a little more intense .

• - All right , kids , I hope you were taking notes .

• Who wants to give Uncle Daniel a kiss ?

• Welcome to the Fort Daniel Kiss Academy

• where the only base we care about on this base

• - Yes ( indistinct ) Sergeant Dan .

• - Oh , you think you ' re good at kissing ?

• I was kissing hookers in ' Nam

• before your daddy shot you out of his chef .

• Well , if it isn 't Sanford and Son ?

• You better wipe that smile off your face

• Yeah , Private Teagan , Private Sarah .

• So nice of you to join us .

• Lucky , for you two ladies we have a do ask ,

• do tell policy around here .

• Tie the cherry stem in a knot , please .

• 58, 59, smooch like you mean it , Maggot .

• - These are privates , these are lips .

• These are the screw , and this is the kiss .

• - Your pants are awfully high Private .

• - I just think it 's time that we take this relationship

• - I know , you know what the answer is though .

• - Okay , wait help me out then .

• Alexa , will you marry me -

• - Yeah , I thought it would loosen you up .

• I can tell that you ' re not really into this .

• I mean , should I even read the poem ?

• - I think this can benefit the both of us .

• and get me to do something nice for you .

• - You ' re using my ass as currency .

• - Well , it 's more of a rewards based system .

• This is a special moment that we can share , together ,

• - The problem with Butt Box is they ' re easy to counterfeit .

• I' ve been burned more times than I care to admit .

• I need to get one of those Butt Butt markers .

• - [ Jennifer ] Look what 's on our door .

• - [ Male Voice ] The princess wants to sleep here .

• - Here 's why you never marry the baby voice girl .

• - [ Jennifer ] Aww , princess .

• - Okay , first of all , you ' re not a princess , Jennifer .

• Princess ' vacation on yachts in the Mediterranean ,

• not at amusement parks in Anaheim .

• - [ Jennifer ] Look at my flowers .

• Why did he not put any water in them ?

• - My guess is the poor pussy whipped bastard

• wants them to die just like this relationship .

• - [ Jennifer ] Holy schmoly .

• Look at my fantastically fantastic princess sash .

• - [ Male Voice ] Spectacular , spectacular .

• I never know how to put a sash on .

• - [ Male Voice ] Looks right .

• - Ah ha , now give that to your husband

• so he can hang himself with it .

• - Oh , and here 's my scepter .

• - The only way this is worth it ,

• is if that scepter ends up in her butt later .

• It came on a pillow and everything .

• This bitch better have cancer .

• Personally , I don 't treat my girlfriend like a princess .

• I treat her like a queen .

• Not just on her birthday , every day .

• - Hey , I can 't find my phone .

• Will you call it real quick ?

• I swear by the sword of dragon

• that the Queen 's name shall never be spoken

• I'm getting Thai food for dinner .

• - How can you speak with such disdain ?

• - I gave my Twitter followers the chance

• to proclaim their love on TV .

• As long as they included one thing they wanted

• to change about their sweetheart

• in a segment called Be Mine and Be Better .

• but please stop gossiping while in the car ,

• it makes me want to drive into oncoming traffic .

• You don 't gossip while your man is driving a vehicle .

• Here 's what you do , you sit there quietly ,

• and about five minutes before you reach your destination

• you say , Hey , would you like some road head ?

• I love you but I'm also in love with Swedish Fish .

• That 's my ( beep ) cha - cha - cha .

• Swedish Fish got one thing right .

• I wouldn 't mind an orange .

• but you got to stop wearing socks to bed .

• Rachel , take off your socks .

• I love you Amy but I wish you knew

• how to make a decent Gravy .

• Why is gravy capitalized ?

• Is that how bad her gravy is ?

• She 's making a subpar gravy .

• This guy is not asking for an excellent gravy .

• so he can choke down that dog food you call dinner .

• - Oh my , you gotta be kidding me .

• And when a foul ball came screaming towards the cheap seats ,

• he did the smart thing and moved out of the way .

• It 's not his fault her reflexes suck .

• He was actually being considerate of her needs .

• He would have broken his hand trying to catch it

• and not been able to pleasure her later .

• Sorry , if he didn 't jump at the chance to take

• a line drive to the dome .

• He 's your boyfriend , not your bodyguard .

• We already have to open doors , pull out chairs ,

• carry your stuff , keep promises .

• Lie about our past , try not to stare at your sister 's boobs .

• Listen to your awful pointless stories

• and pretend we don 't think your friends

• are even more annoying than you are .

• You want us to cut up your food to ?

• Sorry , it was getting too close to home .

• In the old days before women knew about lateral movement

• men had to lay their jacket down over puddles .

• Hey , you think I'm going to ruin my Lulu lemon

• just so you can keep one of your 90 pairs of shoes clean ?

• Ladies chivalry only exists in train songs .

• It 's just taking a vacation

• while you figure out that being equal blows .

• Rappers have the right idea .

• Forget all the formalities

• and pour crystal on bitch 's titties .

• That 's what they really want anyway .

• Being a gentleman is simple .

• Just try not to finish first .

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it

B1 laughing upbeat music upbeat gravy princess jennifer

The Romantic Side of Tosh - Tosh.0

• 林宜悉 posted on 2021/03/04

hallsawassin1951.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.voicetube.com/videos/156901

Share this post